Romance scams are the most financially damaging fraud type in America — not because the individual scams are the biggest, but because victims keep sending money for months before realizing what's happening. The average loss is over $10,000. Many people lose their entire savings.
Unlike most scams that happen in minutes, romance scams take weeks or months. The scammer builds a genuine emotional bond. By the time they ask for money, the victim is deeply invested — and the request feels like helping someone they love, not being deceived.
How it starts
The contact usually comes through a dating site, Facebook, Instagram, or even a "wrong number" text. The person is attractive, successful, and immediately interested in you. They're often widowed, in the military, working offshore on an oil rig, or a doctor working abroad — profiles that explain why they can't meet in person.
They're attentive, romantic, and move fast. They may call you their soulmate within weeks. They remember details you shared and bring them up later. They feel real — because they've done this many times and know exactly what to say.
When the money request comes
After weeks or months of building the relationship, a crisis appears. A medical emergency. A business deal gone wrong. Legal trouble. A stuck shipment they need help releasing. They need money — and they're so embarrassed to ask, but they have no one else. Could you just help them this once?
- You've never met them in person or video called
- They always have an excuse to avoid video calls
- They claim to be overseas, military, or on a remote job
- They fall in love unusually fast
- Eventually they ask for money — by wire transfer, gift cards, or cryptocurrency
- Each crisis is resolved, then another appears
Why the video call excuse matters
Scammers use stolen photos of real people. A video call would immediately expose them. If someone you've been talking to for weeks has never appeared on video — that is the single biggest red flag of a romance scam.
How to help someone who might be in one
Approach with care. People in romance scams often know something feels off but have already sent money and feel shame. Saying "that's obviously a scam" will push them away. Instead say: "I read about romance scams recently and some of this sounds similar — can we look at it together?"
- Reverse image search their profile photo — right-click the photo and select "Search image" in Chrome
- Never send money to someone you haven't met in person
- Ask for a live video call where they hold up a piece of paper with today's date written on it
- Tell a trusted friend or family member before sending any money to someone you met online
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